Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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