the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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