My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
