she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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