Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
