I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
