she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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