you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
