That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize