I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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