I molested 6 butterflies tonight
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
