You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
that is very illegal...i love you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
