I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
