Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
