You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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