dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i dont even know how to be here
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
