No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
