So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
