Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize