Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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