hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize