You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
