Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
