we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
