I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
