I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize