Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
