i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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