he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
