she looked like the before picture.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
