Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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