You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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