I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
