and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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