Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize