she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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