every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
