I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
