My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
