He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
