I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
