hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
