"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
