I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
