You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
