mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
