I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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