my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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