Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize