so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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