My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
