Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
