omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
