yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
