shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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