boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
