I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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