and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
birth control should be required to get into college
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize