Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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