i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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