you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
