he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
