Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
