I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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