Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My pussy is not your playground.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
