i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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