I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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