We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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