Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
