i dont even know how to be here
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
