Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
