yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
