Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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