so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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