Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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