please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
