They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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