you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
