its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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